Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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