now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Randomize
