They should really pass out barf bags in church
She announced her abortion via fbk
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Randomize
