woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
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