Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
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