if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
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