i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
