when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
go do what you do best...puke behind churches
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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