Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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