my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Randomize