Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
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