You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
I love you. Go after that dick
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Randomize
