Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
