Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
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