I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
