There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
