I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
The convent might be a nice break from real life
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Randomize