U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
