I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize