I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
