Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
