life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize