i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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