; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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