operation harelip BJ is a go
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Randomize
