every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
