also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
