Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Randomize
