yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
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