we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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