i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Randomize
