Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
I understand Curling. That high.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Randomize
