just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Randomize
