I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
