Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Randomize