he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Randomize
