dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
Randomize
