She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
