Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
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