So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Just puked most of my soul out..
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize