Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
