Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
