she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
