My entire life is one complicated drinking game
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
soo... how was my night?
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
