Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Randomize
