ya dads aren't the best wingmen
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
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