Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
i love accidental penises.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
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