Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize
