im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceaƱera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Randomize