I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Randomize
