I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
