Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
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