one two three fourrrrnication!
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
