I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
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