i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
3 2 1 whiskey
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Randomize
