I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Randomize
