I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
