Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
sarcasm needs its own font
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
Randomize