I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
home. puking in laundry basket.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Randomize
