Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
