My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
