You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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