I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
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