can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Randomize
