well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
We named our party play list daddy issues
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
