Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
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