Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
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