if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Randomize
