my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
