i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
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